/jp/ Project

PROTAGONIST and GIRLFRIEND get in a fight for some reason, although both being blind drunk is probably the real reason. But we still need to think up a reason why they got in a fight.


I think it would be best if the argument is about something trivial, to put more focus on the 'OMFG I didn't mean to kill her' thing.

It could be anything; GIRLFRIEND thinks PROTAGONIST is drinking too much, PROTAGONIST or GIRLFRIEND hasn't been working on the school project as much as the other person has, GIRLFRIEND doesn't want to have sex while PROTAGONIST does, PROTAGONIST flirts too much with other girls, etc.

Maybe a little bit of a yandere-trait in him, he could be a super loving guy who really loves her, doesn't flirt around, but at the same time wants to love her even more (sex), though she refuses. He gets all types of ideas on why this is so, such as she having some affair or w/e, etc. This could be the 'investigation' part. The climax is takes place during the night when he tried to demand an answer from her about her refusal, ending up on him trying to force himself on her (sex at this point is up to further discussion).

Then comes the accident, yada yada.

How about something surreal, like they engage S & M sex, and Protagonist being the S accidentally his girlfriend.

Or... ah I'm out of ideas.

imo, actual sex would spoil the story. what does OP and others think about this?

I think the cause of the argument shouldn't require too much backstory or radically change the way things happened. In the suspicion thing, it just requires too much explanation of previous events, taking the focus away from the main story.
The S&M thing is just...not the story. The story is about the drunk protagonist accidentally murdering his girlfriend - the fact that there was originally no risk and he just lost control of himself makes it more shocking.

As for having sex in the VN...I've only played three VNs with sexual content so far (One, Kanon and Fate/Stay Night). In One and Kanon the sex just didn't fit in with the story and it just sucked. In Fate/Stay Night the sex is well integrated into the story (it doesn't make you go 'wtf why are they having sex'), but I still didn't like the H-scenes themselves.
In other words; sexual content only if it fits into the story really well AND one of our writers is an expert at writing H-scenes. In any other case: no.

I actually agree with this. The story seems nice and simple, a sex scene would probably feel forced.

I'm imagining that the protagonist is a loner and a failure by nature, and his girlfriend was the only one who could pull him out of his loneliness and misery. She is the one who always helps him get everything done and pushes him through life, but at some point, maybe the protagonist gets mad at her for always telling him how to do things right. The conflict should start with some disagreement about the school project, like maybe the protagonist didn't want to work on it at all, at the girlfriend wanted him to help her. Though having such a nice girl die would probably be too depressing...

I like this idea.

School project sounds lame though. How about the girl telling him they will be going out with a group of people from school, most of them her friends? And you say you don't like being with people and other antisocial crap, and her teasing you for being a loner which sparks the argument

As long as players don't see the protagonist as an absolute jerk and they can relate to him somewhat (and as a loner figure, that shouldn't be a problem) I don't think you'd have to worry about the story being too depressing. The whole thing ends with him going to prison so far, doesn't it?

Making the death of such a nice girl depressing might be a good point for the VN. The question is how we can deliver it so that the reader will experience the most emotional impact from her dying.

And about the reason why a pushover, loner Protagonist kills his girlfriend, I can only think of a few reasons:
1) Hinamizawa syndrome
2) Girlfriend did something equally horrible to Protagonist (probably... killed is parents? badum-psh)
3) He was smashed to a point he didn't even know that the girl he was brutalizing was his girlfriend.
4) He was PROMOTED, so he goes on a final drunken rampage in his home... or something

Anyone have other ideas?

I think this should get chucked. A LOL DARK ending where he gets rid of the body successfully or something would be better.

AND HE WAS ARRESTED AND JUSTICE WAS SERVED doesn't sound too appealing to me.

Girlfriend is a scheming bitch, spiked his drink and tried to kill him. He breaks her neck by mistake trying to hold her down. She'd have to be skinny and frail for that, though. Not to say it isn't possible.

Why did she try to kill him? He'd have had to do something REALLY bad... by mistake.

He loves her, though. Why wouldn't he come clean and turn himself in?


You're changing the setup entirely now. I thought we were supposed to pity her 100%

It's more interesting if he doesn't go with the goodie-goodie ending by justifying everything by turning himself in.



It's always the guy's fault, right? I don't like feeling sorry for the woman in these cases. Way overdone.

Anyway, nothing wrong with changing the setup like that. That's why this is planning, not actually writing.

Fair enough.

Why don't we toss in the FRIEND, too, then? Make him more important somehow. Like he's acting as if he doesn't know that much about what happened, but he was actually there when you were drunk and he may or may have not been the one to actually kill her, and since you were drunk and have botched memories you think it was you. He killed, but you hid the body, basically

But if we make the girlfriend a planning bitch, the readers won't get much emotional impact from killing her, they might even like it. But then, alternatively, we can have the readers pity the protagonist instead anyway...

It might be interesting to make the game "reality" somewhat metastable. Like, maybe have a scene of the player interactively reminiscing about said girlfriend, and depending on the his choices, it might lead you to have the bitchy girlfriend or the sweet one.

Not in this one, bro.

Anyway, I go with BITCH GIRLFRIEND ASKED FOR IT. She spiked his drink, she assaults him, he breaks her neck by mistake trying to hold her down and kills her. In a panic he drags her into the woods and leaves her in a ditch piled with dead leaves. Little bits of his home remind me of the dragging scene. Etc. etc.

Ditches the body. Mentally damaged for life, but scott free.

GOOD END in my book.

Not sure WHY she'd spike his drink, though....

She should still have some likable qualities, otherwise the readers will wonder how the protagonist fell in love with her in the first place.

So, yandere twist? She can appear innocent and sweet in the initial flashbacks, then go batshit insane with her expressions in the ones before her death.

I think that's called yangire.

Either way, her suddenly going crazy, getting killed, and the protagonist going "oh I just remembered I killed someone...... but she was a bitch, so oh well!" doesn't seem all that interesting. For a dramatic touch, there should be something to love her for even after her death.

And if we do go with the "turning insane" thing, maybe after the protagonist remembers everything, he should find something like... a present that she wanted to give him? Or her diary where she writes that she will always love him. Something like that.

Hmm... How about the protagonist only THINKS she spiked his drink and wanted to kill him, but actually not, but he still goes on a rampage and breaks her neck. That way he'll be even more emotionally crushed. He probably only realizes this at the end of the VN, where he sees

Sounds good.

Now we just need to think of a believable misunderstanding...

..... What?

I don't know, I really think it'd be best if he did it in self-defense. Otherwise it sounds like I'm watching Lifetime.

The girlfriend should be a crazy scheming bitch.

Do I smell two arcs?

One can be the girlfriend is a crazy scheming bitch, and the other, Protagonist can be crazy.

How about this: his girlfriend is generally good-natured and really loves and cares for him, but she often bosses him around, forcing him to do things he might not normally do ("It's for his own good", etc.) and so she takes the dominant position in the relationship. The protagonist, being the passive type, deeply resents this but doesn't say or do much about it until the night in question.

This way the reader can still have sympathy for the protagonist's girlfriend, but the protagonist also has some reason to kill her in a drunken rage.

Maybe. Personally, I stick with my point of boyfriend-going-into-drunken-rage-and-killing-girlfriend story sounding too much like Lifetime TV for comfort. The whole WOMAN IS ALWAYS THE VICTIM thing is bullshit. The MAN IS ALWAYS THE ONE WHO STARTS THE DRINKING thing is too.

I don't see any problem with the readers liking her death in the end, nor a twist where he gets away with it.

That's the angle I was aiming for earlier:

Except the whole idea of the story was that PROTAGONIST killed his girlfriend by accident, and is totally shocked that he did such a thing.
Making the reader think the bitch deserved it, or that it wasn't a complete accident by PROTAGONIST would only ruin the story.

Also, 'the man is always the one who starts the drinking' <-- this could be changed. Especially if we'll be going by



^these suggestions, which I like a lot. Girlfriend is really nice but bossy, and she half-forces him to drink beer to make him relax, even though he refuses at first. Eventually this leads to an argument over how much she bosses him around, and leads to the murder.

Also, it should be noted that it doesn't necessarily have to be direct murder. Like I wrote in the plot outline, PROTAGONIST might have only wanted to hit her on the forehead as a way of saying 'SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP', but because of plain bad luck it ended up being a fatal strike.

This, but probably a different way in which he killed her.

I think we talked about it being best if she were a scheming bitch in another thread.

Also, I think Cassandra sounds better. But your idea is good too.

Read an anon's post in /jp/:



I don't know if half of it is just faggotry, but he does have a very strong point right there about revealing the details too early. Perhaps the writer could reveal that an argument take place only halfway through the story. The lead character thought that he was stoning all night alone after a depressing misunderstanding/earlier quarrel with his girl, but that's only half of the truth. She actually came to see him later (he somehow forgotten about it during his earlier flashbacks) to talk things out, and the main fight appears, yada yada.

What say thee all?

It is not revealed that an argument takes place the night he lost his memory until the last chapter. However, you do already see part of the argument in chapter 3, among other flashbacks - but the reader (and the protagonist himself) has no idea that it happened the night he lost his memory (it's presented as a random memory that probably took place a long time ago).

Damn, I was gonna post that exact same thing earlier. It really made me think, and damn, the guy/troll/faggot(s) is/are right.

We're gonna need to mask the events pretty well... How's about applying some false memories or optimistic beliefs of the protagonist? At least he wants to fool himself on what happened, when he gets to find out what actually happened. Oooorr screw that, I'm not thinking clearly. I'm already sleepy...

Bottom line, er... Let's hide it and hide it well.

Regarding the bit about it'll be obvious that he gets drunk/is a drinker...

What if we include parts in scenes where he sees someone drinking a beer, or he investigates something and sees a wine bottle, shit like that, and each time it happens he makes a remark or thinks of something which implies he knows more about alcohol than the average person for some reason

Relevant flow: uh, maybe his girlfriend could have had problems with other people, say an old boyfriend, and one arc/chapter involves tracking his ass down and then you discover that he wasn't involved in her disappearance at all. Then again, maybe it makes you being the culprit even more obvious ;_;

And maybe to mask his murderuos intent, something like whenever he's confronted in a physical situation he feels compelled to not get violent and he isn't sure why. That could lead to even more second-guessing though...

edit: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF just read the opening scene ignore the bit about the implied drinking

Another headache. It would sound crazy if he told anyone, but he was getting used to them, the piercing pain going through his skull, making him feel as it was going to crack open. Like a coconut. It's been a couple days of it, and no amount of pills and homemade hangover cures managed to get it over.
Massaging his eyeballs, he focused on the sounds of the unkempt apartment. Just a few more minutes of pain, he could fight through it. Just focus on the sounds and the now swirling colors in front of his eyes.
That was new. The colors slowly congealed into shapes, more and more definite. He could now make out the face of his missing girlfriend, her eyes half closed and her mouth frozen on a grotesque form. It was starting to flood back, the words that went with that freeze frame, completing the scene.
He didn't have to struggle much to fish out the rest out of his murky mind. The scene was playing out before him as if he was living it. Dropping into a seat, the words rang on his head. Did he really lived that?
"I hate you when you drink! It's always the same shit with you!", the frozen face of his girlfriend was finally moving. Spit flying, and her blushed face revealed just how much booze she had on. Her hair wasn't the way he liked it, he could barely recognize her now. It was some sort of troll, a bizarro pod woman that had replaced his girl.
"Fuck you bitch! I don't need to deal with this shit!" he could hear himself shouting angrily. If he could look at himself he would probably notice that he was as demonic and messed up as she was. She was right, he was an annoying drunk...
His reflections didn't stop the ongoing scene in front of his eyes.
"Do you think I want to?! Shit, I don't even know why I stick with your sorry ass! I haven't had an orgasm in months!! Pathetic loser, I should have known better, dating a loser virgin!!"
It was gone in a flash. The bottle flied from his arm swiftly, hitting her right above her ear. The bottle finally bounced off her and crashed into a hail of glass and alcohol on the floor. Her knocked body stumbled, her balance lost in her drunken haze and the sudden strike of the bottle. He could detail every feature of her face, the rage on her eyes and the lips twisted into a spiteful 'fuck' that never quite left her lips. The scene speeds up just for the precise moment her temple hits the table, blood leaking out. The now still body comes to rest on top of the broken glass, her eyes reflecting nothing now. Her rage is gone, nothing lies instead.
"Ah, shit."

The headache finally lets go. His hands are fiercely gripping the arm rests, sweaty and pale. It takes him a few more minutes before he can move. That couldn't have been real, his hangover must be playing some sick game with him. She must be okay, somewhere. As he tries to calm himself, something glitters on the floor in front of him. He doesn't want to look at it, but he already knows what it is. The remains of a broken amber bottle.
Shit, shit, shit.