Dave: ...do me a favor, please welcome Teri Hatcher...

(Teri walks out)

Dave: Howdy howdy howdy...

Teri: Howdy.

Dave: How you doing?  You wanna heave a snowball anywhere?

Teri: I do..

Dave: Where'd you grow up? You grew up in California I bet, right?

Teri: Yeah.

Dave: What part of California?

Teri: Northen California.

Dave: Northen California, they probably don't have snow there.  You go the
mountains you get snow, of course.

Teri: Right, about three hours from Tahoe.  So...

Dave: Oh, now, thats beautiful country up there.  Isn't it?

Teri: Absolutly.

Dave: Ah ok.  You wanna throw one now.  I'll give you a piece of advice,
don't throw it at the audience...

Teri: I heard they throw it back... (laughing)

Dave: ...yeah, they'll throw it back, not at you... they'll throw it back at 
me...

Teri: Oh, alright, I wouldn't want that to happen. (laughing)

Dave: ...and we don't want that to happen, of course not.  Here, we have a 
selection of snowballs right there for you, Teri. (pulls out a bin of 
snowballs) There you go.  Pick one out you like.

Teri: Oh, I like this one. (picking up snowball)

Dave: Get a good one.  

Teri: Ok.

Dave: Now who you gonna throw it at.

Teri: Ah.. ah.. (looks at Dave)

Dave: No no.

Teri: (looks at Paul then looks at Dave and smiles)

Dave: Paul's always a good choice.

Teri: Paul's a good choice.

Dave: He hates this. (smiling)

Teri: I don't want this to be girly or anything. (looking at Paul). (looks 
back at Dave) I can't really beam him or anyth... I don't want to do that, 
do I?

Dave: Well, lets see...

Teri: ...Alright...

Dave: ...we got plenty of tape.

(drum roll, Teri throws snowball, comes within feet of Paul)

(Teri laughing hysterically)

Dave: Very... very cool. (talking to Paul).  Man, Paul, that was... that was 
very cool, that was James Bondian... 

Paul: What'd I do?

Dave: ...because you stood there non-plust[??], and when it came whizzing by 
your head you just did this [tilts his head smoothly].

Paul: Just that, yeah.

Dave: You just slipped it.

(audience laughs)

Paul: You got Felicia's guitar too.

Dave: Oh, I'm sorry, we'll get you...

(shows instant replay)

Dave: Is that how you play that thing, Felicia?  I didn't realize you had to 
blow on 'em.

(Felicia blows on guitar)

Dave: Look at that, something new everyday, anyway, Teri, welcome to the, 
ahh... program.

Teri: Thank you.

Dave: I understand... congratulations, by the way, on the success of the, 
ahh... Superman, Lois and Clark Adventures of... show, whatever the full 
title is, yeah.

Teri: Thats pretty close. (laughing)

Dave: Been on the air a couple years... ah, three years...

Teri: Yeah, we're in our third year...

Dave: Alright, t-t-t... update us in on the plot line, you and Superman... 
you and Lois... you and Clark Kent are dating? married? what are you doing 
now?

Teri: It is a little confusing.  Ah, we actually got married in the last 
episode, but it wasn't the real Lois, it was a clone of Lois.

Dave: Now how does a thing like that happen?  Because, it's happening more 
and more I understand, isn't it?

Teri: Yes (laughing), it's pretty popular on our show, clones, ah... you 
know, somewhere in there Lois got bonked over the head, DNA taken to some 
lab and cloned and it all happened in about 30 seconds.

Dave: So, so a phony Lois married Clark Kent.

Teri: Yes, but he doesn't know yet.  So the episode ended with her in the 
bathroom getting ready to go out for the consumating ritual that happens, I 
guess, on a wedding night...

Dave: The big wedding night, the big wedding night, yeah.

Teri: And, uhm, she walks... you see she's a clone because the clones eat 
frogs, and so you see her...

Dave: The clones eat frogs... 

Teri: Yes.

Dave: Ah...

Teri: So you see me sort of su- (laughs)

Dave: Well, it's a good thing to keep your eye out for.

Teri: Yes, yeah, if you ever see that turn around and run.

Dave: The country of France is full of clones apparently.

Teri: right. (smiling)

Dave: (talking to the camera) Clumsily stumbling for a joke, I'm sorry.

(audience applauds)

Teri: I thought it was good. (smiling)

Dave: I couldn't... couldn't even... it's the hypothermia [talking about 
temperature in Ed Sullivan theater].  (Teri laughs)  But now in your show... 
Lois... Lois Lane does not or does know that Clark Kent is Superman.

Teri: She does know.  We st...

Dave: She does know...

Teri: We started our third season with Lois finding out that Clark and 
Superman were the same person, and... it only took me two years to recognize 
that brilliant diguise (smiling)

Dave: It's an excellent diguise... those glasses... sure.

Teri: Isn't it though. (smiling)

Dave: Yeah... ah is it a lot of fun, that show, it must be a lot of fun.

Teri: Yeah, uhm... I think that the scripts have been much better, I think 
being in on the secret, Lois being in on the secret about Superman, it's 
like the two of them against the world...

Dave: Now, in the comic book, haven't they split, haven't Lois and uh.. 
Superman...

Teri: They did just split, we don't always follow the same line that they 
do.  Yeah, I guess she got sick of waiting around, she was engaged for five 
years to him, or something like that, so she gave him the ring back and went 
on to Spiderman.

Dave: Now... no... no, she didn't, did she?

Teri: Yes, she did.

Dave: Lois Lane...

(crowd applauding and whistling)
(Teri laughing)

Teri: That Lois...

Dave: Lois Lane is dating Spiderman?

Teri: She... that's what I hear, yes.

Dave: My God, Spiderman...

Teri: she's sort of a...

Dave: ...that stinks doesn't it...

Teri: ...slut of the superheros, I guess. (laughs)

(audience laughs)

Dave: But in your ah... in your story, and just speaking hypothetically 
here, would it be possible for a mortal woman, yourself, would it be 
possible to be married to a superhero?  A guy who can fly, a guy who has the 
x-ray vision, and what else does he do?  He bends things.

Teri: He bends things... he's very strong... well the good part of it is, 
you know, that Lois doesn't have to do housework or any sort of menial task 
ever again...

Dave: Oh sure, it's a day at the beach for you...

Teri: ...thats right, absolutly... but ahh... that other part of being 
married I don't know, I don't know what going to happen... it takes about 
one second to get to that man of steel sort of area, so to speak (laughs)

(audience goes wild)

Teri: Oh, I apologize.

Dave: That's alright, that's alright, I'm just think though... I you ever 
get in trouble, you know, two words: Kryptonite Condoms...

(laughter)

Dave: You know what I'm saying?  That's all it takes.

Teri: That's all it takes. (smiling)

Dave: That's all it takes... you know, you're a... I thought you were a 
larger person...

Teri: A lot of people say that.

Dave: You're petite, that's nice.  How tall are you?

Teri: 5'6''

Dave: How much do you weigh?

Teri: About a 102.

Dave: Yes you are, man, you're just a little tiny thing...

Teri: Little tiny little thing.

Dave: Good for you.

Teri: You saw Soapdish? 

Dave: Yeah, that's very funny.

Teri: And I look much taller.

Dave: You have a larger presence when you come out there.

Teri: And then I'm here and I'm...

Dave: ...tiny just a little tiny thing.  Well that's cute.

(laughter)

Teri: I'm cute!

(laughter)

Dave: What about me?  I'm kinda...

Teri: You're cute too...

(laughter)

Dave: ...no I'm not.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh... eyy, eyy, get the medincine Paul 
(moving his head back and forth) eyy ahh.  We have to a commercial, hang 
around and we'll do something else.  Alright?

Teri: Cool.

Dave: We'll be right back here with Teri Hatcher. 

(commercial break)

 Dave:  Tell me some more about yourself, are you married?
 Teri:  Yes!
 Dave:  How long have you been married?
 Teri:  Coming up on two years.
 Dave:  Congratulations, what kind of guy is this?
 Teri:  Eh.. a great guy, I was just thinking... he got me this for Valetine's 
     Day.

 (Teri shows Dave the ring)

 Dave:  That's very nice.
 Teri:  Yes, nice guy.
 Dave:  What does this guy do?
 Teri:  He's an actor.
 Dave:  An actor, have we seen him in things?
 Teri:  Ehh, he was in... he was actully in "The Heiress"... here for seven
     months.
 Dave:  On broadway?
 Teri:  Yes.
 Dave:  Good for him.
 Teri:  Yeah.
 Dave:  Stageactor, wants to get into movies, wants to get into televison?
 Teri:  Yeah, he... he was in "Tombstone"...
 Dave:  "Tombstone", which was the...
 Teri:  Ehh, Val Kilmer...
 Dave:  Val Kilmer...
 Teri:  Kurt Russell...
 Dave:  Kurt Russell...

 Teri:  And right now he has... a sitcom... 
 
 (Dave and audience laughs)

 Teri:  that actully...
 Dave:  A situtaion comedy?
 Teri:  Eh... about to come out on CBS..
 Dave:  Oh well...

 (Teri laughs)
 
 Dave:  I'm sorry to hear that.

 (Teri and audience laughs)

 Dave:  No...
 Teri:  No, it's called... it's called "Good Company" and they got the slot
     behind "Murphy Brown".
 Dave:  That's nice, it's the thing were he lives with two woman's in a
     departament and the landlord thinks he's gay, is that what it is? 
 Teri:  Yeah, that's what it is. 
 
 (Audience laughs)

 Dave:  That'll be a good one, looking forward to that.

 (Teri laughs)

 Dave:  Ahh... ahh... ehh...
 Teri:  He's gonna kill me now.
 Dave:  No no no no, of course not.
 Dave:  And is he bitterly envious of your success?
 Teri:  Oh no, very supportive.
 Dave:  Because I know I would be, I would be very terrible jealous and  
 envious.

 (Audience laughs)

 Teri:  Oh no, he's great, he's very supportive.
 Dave:  Really?
 Teri:  You're kidding?
 Dave:  No, I'm not kidding.

 (Teri laughs)

 Dave:  And is he... ehh... now what happened at the Golden Globes the other
     night? We had, you know we had Tom Arnold, big beefy Tom Arnold was
     here.
 Teri:  Right, he was here.
 Dave:  And he... we looked at the videotape of this episode, and I felt
     terrible for him, because it seemed like the audience, when he went
     up on the podium, or whatever you guys where doing, announcing the
     award or something...
 Teri:  Yeah.
 Dave:  ...and it seemed like the audience were pre-disposed to hate him
 Teri:  Well, I don't know if they were pre-disposed, but he got his foot
     pretty quickly.
 Dave:  Yeah, tell the folks what happened there.
 Teri:  Well, hmm... ehh... well, we went out the present this award, and he 
     started with this whole thing, sort on Roseanne and... 
 Dave:  Yeah, he made a joke, he said; I won one, I got to win one because
     she was recovering from plastic surgery.
 Teri:  Right.
 Dave:  And the audience all of a sudden started screaming; "We hate you!",
     really loud.
 Teri:  Right.

 (Audience laughs)

 Dave:  Yeah.
 Teri:  And... and then he started to stumble, I mean everything he said last
    night was pretty

 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

     ,and... and I was never upset about it, I mean, he said something that  
     wasn'so great.
 Dave:  But he was struggeling to make a joke.
 Teri:  Absolutely, and I completely got that, I mean the timing of what I
     did, I was totally awere of when I said, because I hadn't said one word   
     and then I said, you know, maybe it's time for me to speak, and I know
     that that was funny.
 Dave:  It was very funny, yeah.
 Teri:  I know what I was sort of doing and he tried to come back, and he
     even said to me backstage, he said, ehh... I sort of just said, so
     why did you say that, you know...

     (Teri laughs)

 Dave:  Yes. 
 Teri:  And, ehh... he said that I zinged him so good and he was just zinging
     me back, and he just picked the wrong words.
 Dave:  Yeah, that's right... when he was explainied it to us last night, I
     had not seen the original telecast, when he explained it, it sounded, 
     you know, benine, very harmless, but now when I saw on the videotape it  
     really looked like a terrible uggly episode.

     (Dave and Teri laughs)

 Teri:  Well, it wasn't...
 Dave:  And good for you to knock him down like that!
 Teri:  Well, thank you...
 Dave:  Yeah, nice going!

     (Audince applauses)

 Teri:  Ehh... yeah, and people... people have been very supportive of how I 
     sort of hold myself together, I mean it definetly had that sort of
     slowmotion, long...
 Dave:  Yes, I know... that's what it looked like, like you were waiting...

     (Dave laughs)

 Teri:  ... really long second, and is she going to die or is she going to 
     recover, and... you know, ehh... I had the good fortune, I guess, or
     luck or whatever to say what I said and it came out okay. But it was
     funny, because right before I walked out there, ehh... I was really
     concerned with, I had to say Margaretha Cammermeyer, which is a mouth-
     full...
 Dave:  Margaretha Cammermeyer...
 Teri:  Margaretha Cammermeyer...
 Dave:  A delicious cheese...
 Teri:  I thought I was going to say that!

     (Dave laughs)

 Teri:  I once accidently said Cammembert when I was practicing, and thoight
     oh my god that's what I'm going to do when I get out there...
     But so, ehh... her name is pronounsed a million different ways...
 Dave:  What does she do by the way?
 Teri:  She, ehh... was that, ehh... she is that person that that movie,  
     ehh... we... that Glenn Close... did... the woman in the navy...

     (Audience laughs)

 Dave:  Oh, that's right, that's right, that's right, the lesbian in the navy,
     the lesbian woman in the navy, yeah, I remember, sure...
 Teri:  And it won...
 Dave:  Won all kinds of awards, yeah...
 Teri:  So I respected her...
 Dave:  Are there a lot of lesbian womans in the navy?
 Teri:  You know, I wouldn't know that.

     (Audience laughs)

 Dave:  It's nothing wrong with it though...
 Teri:  Absolutely not.
 Dave:  But she was tossed out because being a lesbian, right?
 Teri:  Yeah... it's not good.
 Dave:  Yeah...

     (Audience laughs)

 Dave:  Wasn't tossed out because her name reminded everyone of cheese?

     (Teri and audience laughs)

 Teri:  I don't think so...
 Dave:  No that's... that was okay.
 Teri:  That was my problem...

     (Dave laughs)

 Teri:  ... I Don't think that was her problem. So I was worried about saying
     this name correctly, and everyone is telling me a million ways to
     prounanse it, anyway... so this is where my mind is and ten seconds
     before we go out there the stagemanager says; Oh by the way, Tom
     Arnold's going to impro about twenty seconds...
 Dave:  Oh there's god news for everyone...

     (Dave and audience laughs)
 Teri:  ... yeah...
 Dave:  "Come on in, he's gonna

 ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

     , come on in kids, here we go!"

     (Teri and audience laughs)

 Teri:  And I said, you know, what's he going to say, oh everything will be
     fine.
 Dave:  Yeah, well I thoight you were great...
 Teri:  Thank you.
 Dave:  ... and alltough I know he didn't mean any harm by it, we all felt
     badly for you and looking at it, you know it looks like it had all
     the ????? for a sniper episode there.

     (Teri and audience laughs)

 Dave:  "Allright, we're taking him out!".

 Teri:  Ehh.. Yeah, yeah he did... he did sort of did a lot of backclash for
     that...
 Dave:  Yeah, well...
 Teri:  I know he didn't...
 Dave:  You're a lovely young woman and I'd love talking to you all night but
     now it's time to play our game.

     (Dave and audience laughs)

 Teri:  Oh, what game is that? Do I get to throw another snowball?
 Dave:  Do you want to throw another snowball?
 Teri:  Yeah...
 Dave:  Sure, let me... let me see if we have any here in the chest.
 Teri:  Paul is not looking, here hand it to me quickly...

     (Audience laughs)

 Dave:  Allright... there you go, pick one out... the one with you're name on
     it... allright, look out Paul...
 Teri:  Allright, I'm aiming for you... okay...
 
 Teri:  Oh man, that was close. 

     (Teri laughs)

 Dave:  He... I'm telling you... he is...
 Teri:  I'm making you look so good though, you're not even moving.
 Dave:  Yeah, he's very cool, very hip, yes sir. Allright, so the movie...

     (Camera shows Paul)

     (Teri and audience laughs)

 Dave:  ... the movie comes, the movie comes out... ehh... 
 Teri:  Which movie?
 Dave:  There is no movie, is there.

     (Teri laughs)

 Teri:  No, there's movies, but we haven't talked about them. 
 Dave:  Do you have a movie coming out?
 Teri:  I have a movie coming out with Alec Baldwin in May called "Heaven's
     Prisoner's".
 Dave:  Oh, oh really, in May?
 Teri:  And another movie in September called "Shaking About".
 Dave:  Get on line tomorrow for heavens sake.
 Teri:  Absolutely.
 Dave:  Ehh... nice to meet you, my best to your husband and, you know, do
     me a favor, come back and visit us again.
 Teri:  Absolutely.
 Dave:  I hope you'll get out in the storm. Thank you very much. Teri Hatcher
     kids! We'll be right back with Jon Stewart!

     (Audience applauses)

The second half of this transcript was transcribed by Andreas Magnusson <andreasm@bahnhof.se>